What actually goes on in Custody fights

1.       Do The Macarena - Because the Family Court is fixated with maintaining the core elements of fault based divorce you need extensive diary notes of times with the children, lots of third party witnesses and the like if you are to fight a custody case. It’s awful but that’s what happens when courts become ideological about “best interest” gladiatorial contest- you are forced into a “at fault” test to get your kids back. Some people love their kids and go this way. Many of us would not suggest a fight. In any event whatever the law maybe, or ought to be, your kids will most likely “get dealt “ in private negotiations between the lawyers and you won’t get in front of a judge. However because the custody system has no rules it’s a mess. Remember also that should you get before a judge in 2 years’ time the courts, even if they have screwed up, will not apologise and reverse the situation. Rather the Family Court will do nothing because at the 2 year point the children are settled. So the gaming incentives are too hard to resist; that’s why the courts are chockers.  Notwithstanding the failure of this approach it’s blessed time and again. The current system is an abject mess but those in control are making money from it and genuinely believe there is no alternative. Seriously think about taking what you’re dealt. Sure it’s a bitter pill. The pre court wait is all about positioning the children as part of the litigation chess strategy pure and simple; often for an increased property split.    

2.       No fair shake of the sauce bottle, Kevin-  She will get prime care, almost inevitably. Sorry about the bad news. Better we deliver it than you get angry with your lawyer at $400 an hour for what should be a therapy session. Yes its sexist. The leading case called Whisler was all about a stay at home dad – he was just told that ideology comes first. Yes her lawyer is actually getting paid to “deliver kids”, that’s the awful reality of the whole pantomime. And yes her lawyer, Lord Voldemort, knows you will get 5 nights awarded by the Family Court in 2 years’ time. But Lord Voldemort will arbitrage this by asking you to agree to 2 out of 14 nights, knowing you will be criticised by the courts if you don’t “take it” in the interim. And Lord Voldemort will tell her that she must at least try for literal compliance with sharing because if not she may lose her trump card. Hence you will be offered, 2 nights, a “review time” (be a good puppy and I might throw you something), some walks to school for 7 minutes a pop, and a meal (no sleep over though in case the kids like it). They can’t really give you zero; even the left wing judiciary aren’t that utterly stupid. Say you want more for the good for the kids, well what do you do? Endure the lawyers psychiatrist mates carrying on “selling” unproven talk therapy drivel all in the interests of course of these who can't speak for themselves, for a long time is what.

http://www.austlii.edu.au/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s63b.html

3.       Enter the Bedouins- Despite what the family lawyers say about “Best interests, blah, blah, blah”….there are of course  deals offered while you wait. So it becomes child trading pure and simple, around one standard deviation from the middle of the bell curve.  It resembles a cattle auction, all about pick up times, nights, birthday allocations, calls and the like.  As a consequence Australian children are bartered- sickening stuff that would stop if people were forced to make and stick to rules. But then we would have people moving on with their lives, and what would the lawyers do then? So maybe, you can get an interim agreement;  4  out of 14 days, every 2nd weekend, or some compromise like that . Those without the kids get angered about how unfair it all is. So they each sit in the Family Court queue, clogging it up further and unwilling to meaningfully mediate. Lawyers, but of course, love all these incentives so praise the work of the micro managers and attend numerous off sites and seminars regaling it’s genius. The kids go backwards at school but the lawyers are well off with partial fault divorce.

4.       Meet Travie McCoy - Well the legal system is dysfunctional in its treatment of kids as chattels in a failed modern social experiment. So a relevant question is how much does middle class child trafficking cost in Australia?  That is, can you do a private deal ? Yes you can. While there is no EBay , Coasean theorem applied to the same, and a multitude of circumstances to regress, the market still clears, at a price, to ensure what Parliament intended finally will work. It just costs;  that’s all. So yes  you can get close to reasonable balanced time enjoying the kids. Sorted for noise, the trafficking price is roughly 4-7% of net wealth per child, and a better maintenance package for the kids. Residential parents ask for 65% for 2 kids, but know they run the risk that some judge may be alert at some point to what’s really going on in the Family Court corridors. Or that if the kids are the right age you must shower them with gifts destroying her claim. Middle class mummies get told by the Book Club to “f### 50-50 on the kids, don’t be a silly b^^^h” and seek 65 percent of the cash and the kids. You can try and structure the deal around trust funds for the kids, but that’s just a lawyers fee fest, and most ex’s s won’t lock in , as they want the absolute cash and maybe so does a new partner. So staged payment deals are the preferred financial instrument in modern courts which drive these child trafficking deals. And you have to trust your ex to deliver something which is not easy as the courts won’t condone specific child trafficking milestones even if made in mediation “without prejudice”.  Child trafficking is family specific, depending on the level of trust and family status.  Ahem. The family lawyers try not to acknowledge that trafficking has a market clearing price and accordingly you won’t see an explicit trade. Indeed the best prophylactic is a suggestion to settle property issues first and separately from the kids, even if they know that “out the back” this is a farce and there are numerous discussions / extortions going on between her mate and your brother in the corridor of the Lionel Bowen Building, all taking advantage of the judicial ineptitude. Do it. Don’t wait for fairness. Look, an apology from Alistair Nicholson’s chummy chums to the kids whose lives they are bartering, and have gutted, is as likely as an apology to Aboriginals from Keith Windschuttle and John Howard. While dressed in tutu’s.  It’s a mess but deals are of course done, just as they are in any dysfunctional legal system, sans rules. Get a good lawyer who understands about retractable incentives. Remember the longer you take to deal, the more poison the residential partner will tip crap on the kids, so move quickly if you genuinely care about them. Yes, this is emotionally hard when you know and she knows there is extortion going on. But do the deal for your kids’ sake. Don’t let them get exposed to the pseudos in the Family Court. Look, the lawyers will scream they are not child traffickers, they are good people with tissue boxes, but be under no illusion as to the widespread contempt these modern day Bedouins are held in. Some genuinely cling to the view they are doing good, but can’t face the fact that the price the community pays for all this dithering is way too high.

5. Goodbye Cruella de Ville- Oddly, you will be stunned to know, that once you pay for access to your kids, the FOFLI will never scrutinise what’s done in fact. But hey the lawyers will move onto acting in the best, I mean next best, well sort of best, no I mean the next best interests of the next best child, thingy thing thingy, by threatening a 2 year Family Court inquisition into their family life - whoops I meant sorting out their high conflict dispute, of course. The reality is that despite the verbiage, once mum agrees to do the right thing, she won’t pay the lawyers as she got the cash, and the 50-50 regime works, it just takes cash to lubricate the system is all, and all the lawyers pseudo bleating and histrionics will stop. The Family Court will thus be able to continue with it’s proud traditions of meddling and under mining social consensus and will let it’s acolytes begin putting their hands deep into the trousers of someone else’s family. Um, in the best interests of the children or whatever they tell themselves. So its then that your kids can get their lives back on course, the lawyers have gouged to the max and are satiated, and your ex has got cash, and Howards rules take effect.  And look, Sir Garfield Barwick has passed away long ago, so no you can't expense the payments to save the kids, for income tax purposes.